Armagettin it idk

Sitting inside you can still get lost
Like walking into the next room
Forgetting what you went in there for
Inside herself
But not for long
It rained alot in this room
She danced in the rain
Till she spotted the sun shining through the open door
Who left the door open
How long has it been there
Have i been there before
Isnt that my old room
Lightbulbs hanging from the ceiling
They scattered the light onto everywall
Such a pretty sight

Its hard to leave the rain when youre soaking wet
Why get dry when you enjoy puddle jumping
Hop hop
Hop to it darling
Lets find the sun again!
This is where you were
Thats who you are
Push the clouds from you eyes
Dry the tears of pain
Remember who you are again
Sweet remedy of light

Guide yourself
Its always been you behind the armor
Shine in your kingdom
Top floor
Balcony looking onto the world
Watch your breathe
Follow your mind
Listen to your heart

I love you me
Here you are
Lock the door
Stay here
Carve these walls
Paint the floor
Sing songs along the lines
In the lines
Make your lines
Make your mind
In your light

An old friend

It mustve been your darkest hour.
The night you said i love you
You also told me you hated me.
You cried, wonder if you remember that
Wonder how you feel after that.
I was on your lap, surrounding you with the same emotions.
Wanting to rip your head off yet there i was rubbing your back telling you everything is okay.
Its okay i wont rip it off, i like it right where it is

Your darkest hour, I was there for you.
I fought myself
Not wanting to be
i no longer wanted to be your punching bag, but here we are
I am your tissue.
Whether you realize it or not, thats what ive become

Do you remember that long night?
I was there.
For you.
Now where have you disappeared to?

I look down at my phone
Surprise surprise its you.
Asking me what im up to today.
After a night like that
I want to run
Too much confusion
I think but dont reply
Im busy getting you out of my life.
I asked you to be my boyfriend.
You said you were bad for me.
Ill take your word on that.
Then part of me says
Oh hunny im bad for you too.
Cuz I’ll give you everything you need.
Everything you want
Thats who i would be
You would rot away with my heart
Never realizing it was there
You would die alone
with me by your side
Thats why we are bad

I need someone who will promise me to always do their best for themselves for me while i did that same and together we would grow

I like to tell myself
Its not the best time
for me to share my life
Get involved in anyone
when im just finding myself
Becoming me
But i would like someone growingwith me
I would like to grow a tree with you
But then again
Fuck off

I wanna tell you to fuck off
But ill tell you what im doing tonight and see where you end up.
It wont be in my heart, i can promise you that.
I gonna leave that part of me on the side of the road.
Whether you take it and keep it and learn from it is up to you.
But it will no longer apart of me
In my life
You will no longer be

And thats what i need.
You said i dont need anyone but myself.
i think you needed me
I bet you already know that,
and thats why you always push me away.

Ah yes the darkest hour is now coming back to me.
You said this before.
Keep pushing cuz my love has walked away, ran out the door.

Fool another lover and you will come back to me. Learn from your mistake and you will find love. Leave me be.
Thank you.
My dear friend


Leaving him feels harder every time i make myself go.
If it were up to him i wouldve stayed,
I wouldve been there when he left for work.
I mightve been there when he returned.
And again.
Thats how i would describe us.
Me and him.
Again and again.
When i walk away i wonder if i could ever describe to him the feeling that takes over me.
The panic, i guess.
Feelings of when am i going to see you again.
(((Its not really that thought going through my head, its the feeling. While remembering all we just said, did)))
Though i am just outside your door.
Even though you wanted me to stay, i make myself leave.
A funnel, thats how i said i feel.
I wonder if you cared to know exactly what i meant.
My guess is your thinking was.. Well if she wants to explain that, go for it. If not then i know you anways so I’ll just assume.
You asked me,
But i didnt know what to say, do.
I cant let out so much anymore,
I leave my dreams of us with the moon.
Most nights.
A funnel, me circling around and around just below the brim,
But as time continues and we spend it together,
The closer i get to the end, to you.
But even tho i feel close, i stay circling, making myself stay in the chaos.
One direction, always leaning towards you but never too far from the beginning.
You lean every now and then. Directing me towards the middle. But never more than that. But im tilted to you, how do you think this makes me feel? You say one thing and do another, make me feel another. Make me. Yes. You know you do. And there i am.
its always again and again.
We go we stay we stop we move.
I wish i could bottle up the feelings we silently share when we’re together.
When you pull me close to you, the energy flowing between us.
That would be our favorite drink.
It would be better than the dopest dope youve ever smoked.

I laughed till i cried tonight.
You covered your mouth.
Stop it.
Thats all i wanna say.
Just stop thinking.
Gotta let it rock, let it roll.
Put the bottle down, come and sing my soul.
Jack n diane.

I know you realize life is easier to breath when we’re together.
I just wonder where we’ll end up in your plans.

Never enough,
Again and again.
I swirl in my funnel of you
And us.
Take me down,
Before i fly out.

The nun spun in a circle after saying funnel. I wonder what street limits are. Breathing in foam is the only way to drink a float. Stay on the floor. iLovehateyou
My dear friend

This place im in

Im sitting in the department of transitional assistance office right now.
Chicks in their slippers and kids in their pjs. Its four in the afternoon and 30 something degrees out.
I look around and it makes me feel like trash. A wastecase.
I know im not, im working hard.
I hate that im here,
That i have to be here in order to survive.
I saw a man with a sign on my way to the child care office.
“Jobless need money or work.”
My music blasting dubstep techno,
I barely heard his thank you after i handed him a 5.
He had orange eyes, almost the same color of his beat tims.
I almost felt like his friend.
Like we, in different circumstances could be friends.
Relate to eachother on a soulful level.
Maybe we did.
I wished i had turned down the music, i wouldve liked to really hear his voice after seeing those eyes.
Ive got a thing for voices,
I dont like my own.
A good friend of mine has said that those “homeless/jobless” people arent really what they say they are.
That thats what their job is, to stand there and take peoples money and they get paid for it.
I cant remember what exactly he said but it was something along those lines.
I cant help but get lost in my friends voice and energy sometimes.
I think its that love thing, two connected souls.
I try to listen but he numbs me it feels good. And i also dont wanna hear his somewhat pessimistic ways of thinking. I get too tired to share my optimism. Not in the mood to make a point.
Tho i should be more, with him.
Hes one of my only friends that appreciates what i think.

I saw 3 cruisers on my way here. Three cops standing around this man, one waving his baton. Twisting it around like an umbrella and he was a little girl.
The man with his hands behind his head looked like a character from a movie. A dirty old puffy patriots jacket, beanie on his head and puffy eyes.. pale face and no resistance, just there. Very city slum, living inside his own head, not a care in the world but where he could get his next buck and fix.
There was another man standing off to the side. Older, matching attire to the man being questioned. I bet they were in it together but the elder are less suspicious. That white hair carries respect, something i appreciate about this world and how some things will always remain the same. The older you are, the wiser you must be.
Such an oddful world.
I like making up my own words.
My boss/friend calls them “britisms”.

Ill be old one day, though i pretend its very far away. Im only 22 so in some sense it is a long “time” from now. ((iquote because what is time? but moments strung together in a rhythm we try to follow, always wasting it, wanting it, needing it, wanting to steal it, sleeping it, believing in it or watching it move along ))
But when i wake up one day when im 80, this day will feel like a dream.
Ill remember moments of being here in this office, wishing i could do more for my son and myself but not having the full ability to just yet. I wont remember these peoples faces or that flat screen that ive never seen on. Or the way people look at me when they see i shaved my head, all the length is gone. Its purple today. Yea thats a ring in her nose. ((Little do you know what kind of obstacles im balancing and influence i could have on you, could help you.))
But i hope to remember the power of these moments, the way they make me feel. The helplessness emotion, thats pushing me to want more, to never return to here in need of assistance, and being thankful for what they do, appreciation. and wishing everyone in here the integrity that i can feel inside my bones.
Be worthy