The only thing i can count on
The only thing that is real
My one and only everything

It was an awakening
Giving birth to him
A soul inside of a soul
Him inside of me
Reaching the outside
becoming a being of reality
A soul inside of a soul
The start of his existence
Was inside of me
I held him
I fed him
He fed from me
He kept safe inside
Surrounding him for months
Encased in my organ
He reached the surface
He grew
He grows
Hes no longer in my body
But he is encased in another organ of mine
He is my pericardium

My love for him, it grows
When he became, i never thought i could love someone so much.
But i was wrong
I love him more and more everyday
As if he still resides inside of me
He is the only love ive ever really known
I cherish this love
Its something different than that l.o.v.e
You tend to see plastered on birthday cards and valentines.
Its that feeling that hurricanes in your stomach and rains from your eyes.
Jet packing through my mind.
Pulsating from bones.
That love you see in grandparents who made it through it all.
It does exist.
It came from within
It grows inside of me just as he did

I was awakened when i gave birth to him
A soul within a soul.
Not just his inside of mine
But a level of me that seemed to manifest from a wormhole in my blood.
I had become aware of many feelings i had never felt before; that was just the beginning.

I was kissing him goodnight
He said mummies going to work
His breathing changed and his smile dwindled.
I felt a bullet try to penetrate my heart repeatedly.
But with love comes love
And i explained to him why i work and that he will be with daddy in the morning.
He said mummie no sad as he opened his heart to pull me in.
He then took my hand from his face,
I was still breathing his cheek in
And he kissed it.
I lost it on the inside as i often do in moments like these. As he and i are
As love is
I wanted to pour my heart out,
But he wouldnt understand yet.
Not verbally
So i looked at him as i faught tears and said there is nothing more that i want is to be with you always. I miss you anytime i am not with you and you Cameron, are the reason why mummie is always happy. I will never leave you for long. Never gone for long. I thought to myself that i will say this to him whenever i need to leave. Never gone for long.
I wouldnt believe you if you were telling me this, but my son had been playing with my hands while i was talking with him and i didnt realize what he was trying to do until he pulled my other hand out from behind him and kissed it.
He had made sure both my hands were kissed.
He is magic like you wouldnt believe
He pulled me in for another hug.
I tried to stay forever but he pushed me away to find the tag on his puppy pillow
A comforting mannerism.
I did the same as a child but it was a puff n fluff bunny bear.
It never left my side.
I never want my son to leave my side

He is my sacred place.
The only thing i truly know exists in this life
My insides held him
Grew him
Birthed him
I keep him inside
He surrounds my heart,
The muscles that carries me.
Hes less than 30 lbs and about two feet tall.
That my dear is something to see
Something to feel.
A mother
To my son
This is my extraordinary reason



My day ends when i take my bra off.
Physically as well as emotionally.
Its almost like a form of meditation.
I lose the days worries while im unhooking my strap.
(Makes me sound like a hoe selling tricks)
We carry so much emotion in our thoughts, where we create feelings which release chemicals into our bodies which effect our muscles.
Our muscles remember.
My body knows.
The day is done.
2 minutes prior i felt my heart racing a little as i was thinking of tomorrow and everything i have to accomplish.
2 minutes later and bra-less
I began to breathe.

Im writing because thats what i do.
Im writing because i learned a lot today and i would like to carry it with me outside of my head as well as in it and in my body.

They are all one.
They are the stars.
The dust of stars, how magical they are.
They walk on two feet
And their hearts beat.
They breathe in their surroundings,
It keeps them alive.
They can see the light and they can see the night.
They can touch with many things,
Though they only like to believe what they can see and feel.
They can touch others with their minds, theirs hearts, their eyes, their souls, their energy.
They emit liquid from their eyes in moments of disaster and happiness.
And they can recall these moments and often emit again.
Creatures of habit, living only through what they know.
They can build but they often break.
They can swim but many sink.
They can dream but they lack hope

They feel their bodies are just too small to ever create more than what they think they know

I feel bad for these beautiful creatures,
Burning what isnt theirs.
Never fully living up to their full potential.
Maybe if they didnt think about all the others, they could channel their own magic.
And realize they are not from this earth,
They are spirits of one.

Star dust, thats what we are.
The unmeasurable power of stars,
Clashing together and sprinkling it on earth, such a tale to believe, but so true if we could only try to see; anything than what is right in front of us, behind us. To look within us.
Let us climb into our minds of wonder and be more than all we see.
Feel the force inside of you and be all you can be. Beyond your memories, beyond your pain, beyond any sufferings of yesterday.
Separate yourself if only for a moment,
And just sit inside.

In this moment of years..
I cant be anyone but me, i cant make things happen just because i want them to.
But i can be all i can be, because in everyday, in all of our lives,
We can be more than the average human, we can control out thoughts while life lets us live, and we can be happy, we can choose to feel what we want.
We can be all we can be.

Why not?