The place that i call, me.

Video

When you wanna rip out your bones and punch rainbows. When you wish the air would escape your lungs, why are there two, just take it all. When the ceilings couldnt fall hard enough. The sky came crumbling down and the clouds never really existed. The buried is alive and the flowers arent breathing. The moon is crying and the suns cackle is overwhelming. When the oceans are caving and the ground is above your head. The people never were and the end was only just a dream, just like the beginning. That here and now, one second of forever. You must be on fire, you can feel it from your eyes to your fingertips. The exhaustion youre sunk in, the bliss of nothing and everything. Thats the moment you land on that pretty star. When all emotions have lost feeling and everything that was and wasnt, is; and isnt. I wonder why it still shines so bright. No windows, no cracked doors, no opening for light. Thats a star of wonder, will you land or have you been there before. Make a map and tell me what you see, all the substance you can absorb. Avoid the consistency of the constellations and die among the whole sky. But let her be my treasure, promise to leave her to me. Let me live on that pretty little star.
That place that i call, me.

You& hope

I lit a candle and everything changed,

I began to see my shadows form on the walls. I fell into my mind.

 

 

Barely breathing,

I ripped the pages from my diary
And built myself a fire
Watching the amber waves form,
The warmth of my kinder tragedy’s, Free me, Free her

my memories are fading

Throw them away
Burn them to the ground.
Give me space

Give me time for my own history, and I will keep what I must

Shedding the weight of years
People I shouldnt have known
That old song it reminded me of you

It was a blue shirt and boots,

I could see his face but he was never really there

I was cold, always waiting and night too long

Im burning the tickets, my heart no longer needs that show.

I hear my soulcrowd shout,

keep me warm! keep me warm!

I never liked those sunday afternoons, but they burn sweetly

 

The past will fuel the fire until it eats itself alive,

leaving only pieces and prints left of what used to be.
I will always be me, this is why I am unafraid
This is my home, I reside in my mind

 

 

I used to have a diary,
I burnt it to the ground, filling up my holes
Letting the world save me
Oh Yankee, what a pretty flame

The only diagnosis is hope and you

In this head

She sits here
Day in
Day out
She plays often
She escapes
She spelt out escape
She lives here.
She runs in here
Count to ten
Is she still there
Where did she go
Where can she be
The world whispers
She tells herself
“Come out come out wherever you are”
“…whoever you are”
” whoever you are becoming….”
((She didnt lock the door tonight)) (Maybe she felt safer hiding in her home)

Everyday is something new, a taste of the buffet of life, her life. This life.
Where can she be free.
Work has become an enclosure, a fish bowl atmosphere. Shes always said so much but doesnt feel like it anymore.
Theyre watching, observing. At least thats how she feels in certain moments. Not always. But always wanting to swim free.
Let me breathe bubbles and kick my fins how i want.

((Shes hasnt been a fish in her mind for a long time. Maybe sometimes you dont always have to fly, waves can thrill))

School has become a box of pills.
Anxiety ridden, teachers who cant breathe. Info she cant retain, so much info to sink her fins in.

Motherhood is a rollercoaster, learning and teaching giving receiving. Absorbing, reprimanding, laughing screaming, throwing, daring, creating. Always magic and always a lesson.

Family life is family life. Crazy as hell and always in a bowl full of pieces that somehow fit together but never fully one~
((Wheres the coolwhip))

Friend life……….. I think i have more than one friend. I think. Sometimes.
I believed i had more till last week.
I remembered i cant trust anyone but my music to set my mood and air to breathe it all in and out.

In her mind tonight, she will escape for a mere few hours, just to repeat but may the new day ((just as it always does)) bring her new colors and brighter eyes to the reality of herself and this world.
Stick it in a bottle and wish this world new ways, cuz this girl is sick of the struggle and cant sort the lessons by the days quick end.