Pet rock

I guess i wish i had a pet rock.
One hard and heavy enough to handle how heavy and hard my emotions are.
I would talk to it everyday.
Rocks dont have eyes to read things i dont want it to.
Rocks dont have a heart i could break.
Rocks hold things down,
Keep things in place.
It doesnt have any colors i would fall for,
No smile i would want to keep,
No soul i could shatter,
A rock retains heat,
It could handle my aries volcanos,
Always erupting, corrupting myself.
A rock would sit and not stare,
Listen and keep it all for me.

I tend to block out the world when i need to speak the most.
I dont know if its just because im afraid they might actually hear me, or that i feel like a burden because my emotions feel like a burden to me.
Rocks can hold alot of weight, i could stack them on top of my pet rock and he could carry it all away.
I block them out because i dont know how to explain myself, feeling like i always need to explain myself in the “right” way.
Add that to this list of insanities.
Thinking there is a wrong and right way to explain yourself because i dont trust the worlds intentions with me.
I feel for people and i find myself catering to their needs, the ones i love, the ones i barely even know.
Thinking that people need me.
Why cant i need and seek someone.
I cant have a pet rock,
Unless i want one of those white jackets.
Sometimes i can be me and hold all the weight myself, but where do i pour it out when the time comes.
I write. I dont have time to write.
I draw. I dont have time to draw.
I dont want to “beat the clock”
Always living in a fast pace, always racing.
I want to fight the clock and steal some extra time.
But who am i to say i need more, i didnt ask for this life and thats how little power we were all given when we were born. We didnt ask for this amount of time and we cant change the rules.
Abiding by time.
What a ruler.
We treat it like a god.
A slave to the tick tock.
Figuring out how to do what i can in this time is the hardest part, the biggest task asked of all of us.
“Live life to the fullest”
But wheres the break?
Where the mirage to where we can escape.
Where time stands still and so do our minds. Stand me still and ease this soul. She has so much to offer, allow her time to breathe.
Give me the strength to speak.

The tears are finally gone.

I skipped my pretty rock
Writing helps me keep track of my thoughts as they course through me, channeling emotions. Breathing deep and feeling deeper. At the depth of her mind lays all magic, now to learn how to release.