The place that i call, me.

When you wanna rip out your bones and punch rainbows. When you wish the air would escape your lungs, why are there two, just take it all. When the ceilings couldnt fall hard enough. The sky came crumbling down and the clouds never really existed. The buried is alive and the flowers arent breathing. The moon is crying and the suns cackle is overwhelming. When the oceans are caving and the ground is above your head. The people never were and the end was only just a dream, just like the beginning. That here and now, one second of forever. You must be on fire, you can feel it from your eyes to your fingertips. The exhaustion youre sunk in, the bliss of nothing and everything. Thats the moment you land on that pretty star. When all emotions have lost feeling and everything that was and wasnt, is; and isnt. I wonder why it still shines so bright. No windows, no cracked doors, no opening for light. Thats a star of wonder, will you land or have you been there before. Make a map and tell me what you see, all the substance you can absorb. Avoid the consistency of the constellations and die among the whole sky. But let her be my treasure, promise to leave her to me. Let me live on that pretty little star.
That place that i call, me.

In this head

She sits here
Day in
Day out
She plays often
She escapes
She spelt out escape
She lives here.
She runs in here
Count to ten
Is she still there
Where did she go
Where can she be
The world whispers
She tells herself
“Come out come out wherever you are”
“…whoever you are”
” whoever you are becoming….”
((She didnt lock the door tonight)) (Maybe she felt safer hiding in her home)

Everyday is something new, a taste of the buffet of life, her life. This life.
Where can she be free.
Work has become an enclosure, a fish bowl atmosphere. Shes always said so much but doesnt feel like it anymore.
Theyre watching, observing. At least thats how she feels in certain moments. Not always. But always wanting to swim free.
Let me breathe bubbles and kick my fins how i want.

((Shes hasnt been a fish in her mind for a long time. Maybe sometimes you dont always have to fly, waves can thrill))

School has become a box of pills.
Anxiety ridden, teachers who cant breathe. Info she cant retain, so much info to sink her fins in.

Motherhood is a rollercoaster, learning and teaching giving receiving. Absorbing, reprimanding, laughing screaming, throwing, daring, creating. Always magic and always a lesson.

Family life is family life. Crazy as hell and always in a bowl full of pieces that somehow fit together but never fully one~
((Wheres the coolwhip))

Friend life……….. I think i have more than one friend. I think. Sometimes.
I believed i had more till last week.
I remembered i cant trust anyone but my music to set my mood and air to breathe it all in and out.

In her mind tonight, she will escape for a mere few hours, just to repeat but may the new day ((just as it always does)) bring her new colors and brighter eyes to the reality of herself and this world.
Stick it in a bottle and wish this world new ways, cuz this girl is sick of the struggle and cant sort the lessons by the days quick end.